feels so good to face my lappy once again....hey wait a sec...how come there is this white line in the screen...Argh~~ what happen to my lappy~~ shit have to send for servicing arh...hm..have to do that on monday liao...Now listenin to my fave song...>>>> the jap song lah..read below...toopid...* Let me tell me you dream i had a few nights ago...kinda creepy but sad as well....cuz my grandma died bout 10 yrs ago..okay hey how it goes :
Everyone was crying...my mum , cousins and aunt....(they are closer to me ) ..i was at my grandparent's place......then the picture changed so quickly...the next thing i knew..i was at the funeral..my grandma has passed away, the others were crying..and i joined them. We kneeled beside her and called out her name...but she didnt answer..and somwhow i knew what's gonna happen next ....as if i was back into the past...then suddenly my grandma woke up...her face regained color..her skin turn from yellow to ..so full of life.... and we go scared...but she told us not to be afraid..she's okay...she's back....then u should have already guessed it liao ba...i woke up lor...
==The End===

after i woke up , i got the urge to cry...but i didn't ....finds it hard to cry ..i dun know why but i hate cryin ..to me cryin means...weak i guess..but sometimes its a nast feelin to keep all the feelings inside you...haha...but i'm born like this...cant be helped ba...?? Lolz..the dream..it reminds me of all the sadness i been through...its was so real.....so...seems like yesterday...

*YaWNs* very sleepy liao...i must admit i'm a pig....to me...sleep....is one of my favourite things to do...whahhaa....
until then :) *grins*

(feels so good........*stretch n stretch * )

i'm listenin to the tv now....axn channel now playin samurai X ....sounds very nice..the clashin and shoutin ...wahaha...nobody's around but me~~ *looks the alarm clock*
eleven thirty eight....maybe they are still having breakfast at tiong bahru ba...........sigh....so sad...me...a fun lover can't go sentosa...instead have to go TMC and work...

* wear a mask and this white plastic ...erm what do you call that?? forget liao...*
hands out form to people comin in ...."huloo...puleese frilll up dis foam.....tank que "
*takes temperature for them ...check if its okay....*
*okkee...u can go nuw....*

the same play happens again and again till nine pm at night........if u ask me ....i rather go kill myself ba..............the job is not challenging at all....no cute guys..no pretty ladies....only old doctors and grumpy nurses....
BUT~~ the pay is not too bad mah~~ hehe for a simple task like that...
*wait a sec...send a reply back to my e-pal*
aloha me backie~~ haha wrote a long email to my e-pal?? e-pal..hm...anyway his name is edward..from alabama..wait check again....yup ...decatur alabama..
he's 26..goin to be 27 this August....tada~~ dont ask me how i know him...he's the one who got my email add from the aol...duno how the heck he got from there...

* looks at the time again....12.21noon....*
*looks at the sky.....bright and warm...abit cloudy though...dun think it will rain ba~~*
...think today will be a long day....muz ask bery organise once more...this time it will be only friday~~~~

*suppose to post this yesterday...but the dumb thing wunt work.....hmm...*

regret has many faces...each of us wore a different one in our lives..it changes throughout the phases of our lives...
regret is when a loved one leaves you ..you realise he/she will never able to hear how much you love them
regret is when you feel nothing but helpless as you looked back into the past
regret is when you thought you have the ability to change the history but you can't
regret is when you wish tears could wash away your guilt but it only unfolds the path you shouldn't take

i'm so ADDICTED to this song....i bet i played this every morning...
*chorus*
I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

=romanji version=
hatenai yoru wo kazoe nagara
jibun no kakera sagashite-ita
ushinau hodo ni kono omoi ga
tashika ni natte'ku
ima nara kitto aruite yukeru doko made mo

..........I"M SO BORED...how come nobody calls me ?? sometimes when i need some company..everyone seems to disappear .....woa wait a sec...Ahah...receive an sms from...hm..whos that...ITs BERy~~~ oh so happy ...haha...let me read this message out
*Ahem....clears my throat*
"Our friendship means alot to me
ANd if we were the last people on a sinkin ship
and there's only 1 life vest
i'll...erm...ah..eh..
i'm gonna miss you "

gee.....haha so sweet of her....she's gonna scarifice herself for me...and she's still be thinkin of ME even before her last breath...
:) just when i need someone to acknowledge my existence....hehe oh well bery if you can hear me..i wanna say thank you and this sms means alot to me...esp i dont receive much sms from you hehe....
Today i have 2 must- do things in my list...
1) run at least for 30 mins ...i hope i can make it from my hse to the botanic park
2) get a pair sandals.....if not i dont know what i'm goin to wear on wednesday

i still cant fix the time....sigh heck care bout that...maybe should ask squid....message rabia lately but she's into clubbing nowadays...is it really that much fun?? whats up with clubbing anyway?? duhz....

oh great i just realised something that is so plain dumb....*hint* look at the time

i want a friend ...i want someone i can confide to...i want someone i can trust with...i want someone who knows my fears...i want someone who knows how i feel just by lookin into my eyes....

It feels so sick to write and write ...and there's no reply ......like an empty hole of depth with no ends ...all i can hear is the echo of my cries
when people said they love you...how many of them really means it? one or 2? We dont know? but we always feel good when people said they love you, why? Maybe thats what you want to hear ..the words that makes you feel secure and warm..

SOmething is missing...in my life..but i dont know what is it...i want something that is self-fulfiling..self-satisfyin..sigh maybe i shouldnt take IT after all..i feel so jealous of alicia ...she's goin to take fine arts in at laselle...that is so good...i heard the courses in laselle are quite expensives...sigh if only i have the money...damn..i really love arts..feel so empty...

last night i saw a sliver road go straight across the sea
and at the end of the sliver road there hung a sliver moon
it followed me around the bay
where small waves dance in tunes
and at the end of the sliver road there hung a sliver moon

what a damn lousy day i had....supposed to be a happy mother's day but now everyone is all so angry at each other...mum nags at brother..dad gets irritated...mum still goes on...i said lets just stop...and everyone just goes to bed angry...if i were them i'll never do that...stay up n fight~~ never go to bed angry...tsk tsk they will never understand ...now i just feel like punchin and kickin ....maybe i'll go for a marathlon swim........